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Saturday, Apr. 01, 2006 - 2:22 a.m. It's been a very long while since I've written anything in here. Due to lack of caring really. But after tonight (which was a relatively good night out), I just really wanted to put something down. It's not gonna relate to anyone that reads this, and to be fair, I don't really care. I just want to vent some steam. I wish I had the courage to stick up for my friends more. An incident occurred tonight, not that long ago really, that keeps playing over and over in my mind, and things could have panned out differently. I'm not one for resorting to violence, and I don't think I ever will be, but had it come down to it, I would have had no hesistation. To see your best friends shouted and cursed at for no other reason than the people shouting and cursing being cunts, it's not the best of things. To do nothing about it is even worse. Plus, I thought I'd put certain thoughts to rest, but they are slowly creeping back to the forefront of my mind; I thought that once I had discussed what was on my mind, and a clear answer had been given, things would be better, and go back to normal. At the moment, things are pretty good, but (obviously) I know me better than anyone else, and I can see it becoming a problem all over again. It's like a virus spreading into my brain, one with no forseeable cure. And it comes in waves; somedays it's just too much, other days they lay dormant and I can continue on like I mean to. I will admit that I have been drinking, and those of you who may read this will instantly think 'Oh he's just drunk and feeling sorry for himself'. Well, when these thoughts and feelings find their way into your sober life, you know things are close to breaking point. I have to rely on my parents and friends for strength, because right now, I don't think I can do this on my own. There's no shame in calling out for help. Because I've been pretty vague, this will probably seem overdramatic, but to me, it controls my actions and words. Time to crawl into bed, and put my worries off until tomorrow. Sadly, there's always tomorrow.
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